O-Hi-O

So the days are counting down until I make a trip back home. Not sure if home is the right word anymore. At the same time Kansas isn't home either. Very strange. I'm very excited but at the same time almost scared of what I will find. Life has gone on without me. People have had babies, married, died, moved, forged new friendships and it might be a little like standing on the outside looking in a window at everyone. I wonder if I will still "belong". I confess I can't wait until I can have a place I can call home. When you know that your stay is only temporary it is hard to give yourself fully because you know you will just have to say good-bye again. This is what it should be like for Christians. We should never truly belong here on earth our stay here is just temporary.

Dream

I had the strangest awesomest dream last night. Usually by the time I rub the sleep from my eyes I forget what I was dreaming of, not this time. It involved witnessing 3 signs of the second coming of Christ. To be "there" and see the stars all shooting across the sky was so exciting. Unfortunately James' alarm clock woke me up. It just reminded me of how wonderful and breathtaking that day is going to be and how truly horrible for those who are not ready. I believe all the things that are going on in the world with earthquakes, floods, tidal waves, wars and much more are signs for us that those clouds could part at any second. I just pray that we can all experience it with utter joy and not terror.

The Boat

So you are probably wondering what the out of the boat is all about. A couple years ago when I was going through several months of intense conversations with God the phrase, "get out of the boat" kept going through my mind. Basically to me it meant give all of myself to Him even if it doesn't make any sense. That is what I have tried to do. I've tried to go where God leads me even when I want to ask "are you nuts". It has lead me from the craziness of starting a bookstore in a horrible economy (haven't figured out what the point of that was yet) to a tiny rental in Kansas. As far as the store goes the only thing I have figured out so far is that I was being taught to obey even when it seemed crazy. Sometimes when I start the whole questioning phase again I start asking why I couldn't stay at home and continue to build my store. Then I'm reminded that it wasn't mine. I had told Him it was his from the beginning (after all it was his crazy idea) so it was his to take away too. So here I am out of the boat, trying to keep my eyes on Him.

The Beginning

Well I've finally done it. I was told to start a blog over a year ago but I kept putting it off. I've finally decided to take the plunge. For those of you that haven't kept up with my life I am actually in Kansas now and not in Ohio. James has been attending school and is in a Pastoral Ministries Program. We will be graduating May of 2011. I have been working to try to support our family. Life has certainly not been easy but I do feel we are where God wants us. I just have to keep relying on him even when things look impossible. Jessica has decided to spend this summer with us. Its been hard on her to be here and not have any friends here. I am glad she still wanted to come and spend time with mom & dad even though we've turned her world upside down. Courtney has adjusted pretty well. The first 6 months were very difficult and I confess it would cause us to ask God why. The guilt was very strong, we had caused such havoc in our daughters' lives. Now the first year is behind us and with one left to go it seems as if the light is at the end of the tunnel. Where will we go from here? Only God knows. At first I imagined going back home to Ohio but now I don't know. Its not that I don't want to but I think it might be very hard to step back into the flow. Everyone there has been living their life even though we aren't there. Hard to imagine I know. Life does go on. Courtney is back visiting right now and I think was a little disappointed that people didn't recognize her. She has really changed her looks though and is growing up so fast. I will continue to try to give you all a picture of our life.